Saturn Site For Balls and Biden's Burmese Bat Bash

It's too bad News of the World is ceasing operations because I was about to scoop them on a juicy sex scandal involving US Vice President Joseph Biden, British politician Ed Balls, Burmese dissident Aung San Suu Kyi, a cricket bat, and the planet Saturn. I just needed a few more days to verify sources and come up with a headline. :SIGH: