There is now a prescription drug to increase eyelash length. At least they're working on the important stuff. Maybe someone can help me out with this uneven fingernail growth.
Punch a Drunk
When a drunk commits assault,
He always says it's not his fault
The trash he utters isn't true;
That's the liquor talking too.
If you ain't sober, nothing counts
So keep guzzling every ounce.
Why is it when you wreck the car
You still end up in the ER?